We’ve got it all wrong with the waterboarding. You want to get terrorists to talk, get them to sit through a few IEP (that’s Individualized Education Program for those of you missing out on these rambunctious little get togethers) meetings and they’ll be admitting they invented trans fats. Monchichi’s is tomorrow. As in, C.R.A.P. It’s that time…
Going to an IEP Meeting is Like Getting a Root Canal. By Your Mechanic. In the Back of Your Car. Without Novocaine.
Decoding the Non-Verbal Child: A Guide for Parents and Loved Ones
I love to talk.Let me rephrase that.I love to hear myself talk. And I’m pretty damn good at it. In fact, when coupled with what some may refer to as dangerous hand gestures, I am a communicating badass. I once had a group of friends bet that I couldn’t talk while sitting on my hands. …
Thank Heaven For Little Boys
A little bit nostalgiaa little bit pmsI stare at my son’s latest artworkcrookedly hanging above my bedframeand cry a cry usually reserved forjob lossfood poisoningbad haircutsthe crooked two-wheeled truckwith an American Flag paint jobthe kind of picture a momwould confidantly pit againstVan Gogh or RenoirI think about his two front teethso loose and crooked I want…
Adaptive Doesn’t Have to Mean Butt Ugly
Dude. I was just surfing the internet, trying to gather some information on adaptive bicycles (which by the way cost about the equivalent of a suburban mortgage payment) and other such equipment, and it has come to my attention that there is a very real and very hideous movement going on. What the hell is this?http://www.adaptivemall.com/specneedtric.html Englarge the…
But Wait! There’s More!
Superman has discovered Informercials. In other words, Dammit.Instead of getting up when his favorite show is being interrupted by the latest plea to purchase some oddball invention, he sits in front of the television, mesmerized by the possibilities being presented by someone who always sounds as if his Immodium has worn off and he’s on…
The Park is Not a Choice Today
I don’t want to take you to the park today.God.Am I even allowed to say that out loud? I don’t want to chase after you, and watch you watch the other kids having fun.I don’t want to glare at the other parents, trying to catch them staring at you and imagining them making judgments about…
A Mother and Her Child
“Where are your socks?” “Put on a sweater!” “Don’t eat that!” “Dry your hair before you go outside!” “Don’t you talk back to me!” “Wait till I call your father!” “Pick up this mess!” “You’re not going out dressed like that are you?” Just another morning encounter with my well-meaning Mama.I so enjoy these moments together. …