So Andrew started fourth grade this morning.

I say fourth grade, but really, it’s all sort of ambiguous when you have a special needs child with as many developmental delays as he does. He’s more like in PreK1234th grade. But that’s for another day.

Instead, I come to you today to tell you that my kid is full of balony.

And he’s got it out for his mother.

For the better part of a month I’ve been whining to anyone who will listen -and also to those who flatly refused to listen but I made them listen anyway because that’s what being a good mother/sister/husband/friend/cat/potted plant (I’m talking to YOU, living room fern) is all about – how craptastic his behavior has been. He’s been alternating between “mildly obnoxious” and “I want to pull my hair out and set myself on fire,” with the majority of his energy being spent on the latter.

Summer has been awesomesauce to say the least.

This was Andrew at 8 in the morning. Getting ready to go to into Legoland. Which is all kinds of fun. But don't take my word for it. Just ask him.


So forgive me if I was justalittleEXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! about school starting this morning. I was all, finally, someone else will see what I’ve been dealing with and will feel extremely sorry for me and also maybe buy me a cookie for my trouble.

See my ginormous grin? It's not a coincidence. Andrew's smile? His aunt, who's taking the photo, is quoting his current favorite movie, Monsters. "I'm watching you Wazowski. Always watching."


I had been “priming” (which is a fancy way of saying “giving him a heads up” that we learned from our parent education sessions. Don’t even get me started.) him about going back to school for two days, but I was prepared for the doodie to hit the fan. That’s just how we roll around here. Lots of doodie. *sigh*

We got to school and took some photos with his AH-mazing 1:1 aide (meaning she is solely devoted to him, all day, every day, during school hours) Joan.

He loves her. But I suspect she loves him even more. She's the reason I don't get an ulcer every time I drop him off at school anymore.


I met his new teacher and since she didn’t strike me as a sociopath, I began to plan my exit (trust me. I have to have a plan) Of course, I was lenient with my assessment and for all I know she could have just been released from the kind of place that prefers padding instead of drywall in it’s rooms. Please refer to the first photo in this post and maybe you’ll realize why I DIDN’T CARE.

So I managed to give Andrew a kiss, help engage him in some playdoh activities, then got the hell out of dodge without losing any limbs.

And then I came home, sat Ian in front of the Nick Jr. channel (he doesn’t go back for another week) and marveled at how quiet it was.

Five seconds later I missed the snot out of my firstborn, and felt guilty for being so happy to send him to school. What most doctors commonly refer to as Schizophrenia is actually another word for Motherhood.

Six hours later, I made my way towards the school, (marveling how no one had gotten into an accident during drop off or pick up, since the minute school season starts back up, perfectly good drivers turn into complete morons behind the wheel) and waited for my son to come rushing into my arms, looking sort of like he did during our Legoland trip.


If he could skip, he would have, but instead he sauntered out of the gate, holding Joan’s hand, grinning from ear to ear. He was visibly tired, but what really irritated me was how freakin happy he looked.

“He had a FANTASTIC day,” Joan informed me.

Another mom might revel in this knowledge, that her child enjoyed himself while in the care of others, and that this was surely a sign of a successful school year to come.


I think it’s a conspiracy.

And total bullcrap.

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6 Replies to “Back-to-School Blues: How Andrew Managed to Make Me Look Like a Whiny Liar”

  1. “Five seconds later I missed the snot out of my firstborn, and felt guilty for being so happy to send him to school. What most doctors commonly refer to as Schizophrenia is actually another word for Motherhood.”

    this may be the funniest and most perceptive thought about motherhood i have ever read. i will give you credit each time i quote it. thank you. you crack me up.

  2. Kids will make liars out of you everyday of the weeks. They will be Angeles for everyone but their parents- only we get the privilege of seeing their true colors. Aren’t we lucky?!?!? Great post!

  3. HAHAHA don’t we all feel this way. Of course they love going back to school!!!! Our kids want it to seem as if its the biggest hassle to go back and how terrible it is for us to send them there. Jo I will buy you a cookie 🙂

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