3 That’s how many pounds he’s lost, according to the scale at the doctor’s office today. 0 That’s how many pounds he can afford to lose before he fails to thrive. Again. 5 That’s how many times I cried today as I thought of those 3 pounds and how they managed to slip away while…
Polish dental debacle declared a hoax
Polish women across the globe lost a little street cred today as it was announced that the now infamous news story about a jilted Polish dentist pulling out her ex-lover’s teeth during an appointment for a toothache was all……a LIE. I have to be honest, I’m a bit disappointed to hear this. Ever since the…
Eating Birthday Cake with Your Bare Hands Doesn’t Make it Taste Better
Last night while everyone was deep in slumber I tiptoed down the hallway opened the fridge and ate leftover birthday cake with my bare hands. This morning I woke up shaking from the sugar rush subdued by the shame and just like I used to do with the empty booze bottles I cleaned up…
Special Needs Ryan Gosling: Hey Girl, Week 6
So I got this nasty letter from a reader the other day who was stupid enough to: a. call herself a special education teacher b. give her full name c. divulge the school where she teaches, the program she teaches in, and all of her “credentials” d. ALL OF THE ABOVE Anyway, I have no…
Special Needs Ryan Gosling: Hey Girl, Week 5
Well, it finally happened. After two weeks of wiping snot, taking temperatures, giving head-to-toe Vicks rubdowns and spoon feeding homemade chicken noodle soup, I finally managed to nurse my husband back to health. Oh. And the kids too. But now I’ve got whatever these goobers were kind enough to pass down and I’ve been feeling…
I kicked my husband out of our bed.
I’ve kicked my husband out of our marital bed. He hasn’t done anything wrong -at least nothing worthy of being demoted to a mattress located on our bedroom floor- but my motion sickness and vertigo has gotten so bad these past few months that I can no longer tolerate even the tiniest of movements that…
Start small, but start SOMEWHERE
I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. It’s not a trait that has served me well over the years. I take on new projects and set out on new quests with gusto, only to abandon ship when my plan doesn’t quite pan out the way I had intended or when the going is a…