Modify This

I am sitting across from a pretty little thing, hair pulled back behind her ears, a stack of papers in front of her, large solitaire diamond ring on her left hand.  She is alternating between praising my “adorable” son (I can’t say I disagree) and going over proposed goals for the new year. I wait…

Going to an IEP Meeting is Like Getting a Root Canal. By Your Mechanic. In the Back of Your Car. Without Novocaine.

We’ve got it all wrong with the waterboarding. You want to get terrorists to talk, get them to sit through a few IEP (that’s Individualized Education Program for those of you missing out on these rambunctious little get togethers) meetings and they’ll be admitting they invented trans fats. Monchichi’s is tomorrow.  As in, C.R.A.P. It’s that time…

Adaptive Doesn’t Have to Mean Butt Ugly

Dude. I was just surfing the internet, trying to gather some information on adaptive bicycles (which by the way cost about the equivalent of a suburban mortgage payment) and other such equipment, and it has come to my attention that there is a very real and very hideous movement going on. What the hell is this?http://www.adaptivemall.com/specneedtric.html Englarge the…

The Park is Not a Choice Today

I don’t want to take you to the park today.God.Am I even allowed to say that out loud? I don’t want to chase after you, and watch you watch the other kids having fun.I don’t want to glare at the other parents, trying to catch them staring at you and imagining them making judgments about…

The Lady Behind Me In Line Would Probably Trade Places With Me If I Let Her But Just For the Record, I Wouldn’t.

I am grumpyfor 12345678910 different reasonsdragging my offspringfrom store to crowded, overpriced, storeas Superman insistson pushing the cartbumping into wallsanddisplaysplaced in the middle of the aisle (WHO THOUGHT OF THIS?!!)I bribewith donutsandchocolateand try one nostril breathing(some yoga crap I saw once)but it doesn’t workand the blood pressure climbsas I continue to deplete my bank accountat…

Everyone Should Have a Calm Chart

I am observing Monchichi in therapy with Wonder Woman, our wonderful, irreplaceable, brilliant autism therapist who we lovingly refer to as “BOSS.”  He is learning a new technique to keep his anger and frustration in check.  He can’t tell us to “piss off” so he yells and grunts and flaps instead.  It’s okay now, at…