My landscape

It used to be wide open

 

 

far reaching

not quite limitless

but

comparatively speaking,

pretty darn close

 

Somewhere

between Then and Now

It started to shrink

slow motion at first

and

I almost missed it

 

But things like these

have a tendency to feed

on people like me

(you know, the ones whose hearts and heads are dictated by fear)

and pretty soon

I had less room

and things started getting very crowded

 

Now

here i sit

in a small local coffee shop

you would probably think it’s quaint

cozy

but I’m trying very hard not to

spin

sway

run away

 

catch myself holding my breath

 

INHALE
EXHALE

 

Someone moved

someone coughed

something isn’t right

 

where’s the #%^#! exit

 

One hour

One hour I lasted today

in a coffee shop down the street

 

Have I told you that I’ve been to ROME?

Walked inside the Colosseum?

Marveled at the Sistine Chapel?

Ate the most perfect gelato from a hidden treasure left of the Trevi Fountain?

 

Have I told you I’ve hiked the Grand Canyon?

White water kayaked?

Canoed 25 miles down the Colorado River?

 

Have I told you that I rode

36 hours in a bus

from Poland

to England (ferry time not included)

with the flu

because I fell in love with LONDON

(Okay, fine. It was the Pimm’s and Lemonade)

((Okay, fine. It was mostly the Pimm’s and Lemonade but also the accent))

 

Have I told you I haven’t driven a freeway in nearly three years?

That I get dizzy in restaurants?

That I don’t remember what it’s like to feel safe anymore?

 

That sometimes, when we’re in the middle of a conversation

and your lips are moving

and you’re probably saying something very very important

my eyes get blurry

my palms get sweaty

my balance becomes unsteady

and instead of listening to whatever  crap is coming out of your mouth i just want to

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN?

 

My landscape

it’s so small now

so pathetic

ROME seems

unbearable

impossible

but

OH!

what I wouldn’t do

for some more

of that

gelato.