Maybe I’m just being overly dramatic (completely out of character, I know) but I’m thinking that these little cd sets featuring kids singing mainstream music are sort of….inappropriate. I don’t know about you, but lyrics such as these just don’t sound right coming from singers who still need help wiping the doodie from their behinds: Ain’t…
Mommy Math: Preventing Teen Pregnancies, One Equation at a Time
5:35 a.m. plus 2 cranky and starving offspring minus 4 hours of sleep multiplied by 3 overflowing laundry hampers divided by 0 nannies and/or housekeepers raised to the power of 10 short order meals carrying over the 2 cases of Impetigo quantified by x( “MoooooooommmmmmmyI’mBooooooooooooored.”)___________________________________________y(“Iswearifyoudon’tSHUTitI’mgoingtocomedownthereand….”) equals the “Imayhaveglorifiedmytwoweekspringbreakjustatadandnowi’mstuckwithtwoveryneedyshortpeoplesopleasesendhelpandifyouareahornyteenagerreadingthiskeepyourpantsonfortheloveofGodTheorem.” I think this kind of math is way more useful…
Therapy Talk
If there’s one thing we really strive for in monchichi’s therapy program, it’s to generalize his new skills and use them outside of his immediate community, so that we know he has mastered a particular task. Lately, I find that I too have begun to generalize some of the things I have learned in his program.…
The Evolution of Playdates
2004:Superman: fart……….spit up………………poop……………..”waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”Friend: fart………….belch…………………….spit up…………”waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” 2005: Superman: “mama, up, uh oh” Friend: “mama, down, bye-bye” 2006: Superman: “Wheeeeee! Down the slide we go!” Friend: “Try to catch me! Hee Hee Hee!” 2007: Superman: “My tricycle is faster than your tricycle!” Friend: “I’m telling!” 2008: Superman: “Okay, I’ll be the blue Power Ranger, and you can be…
Not THAT talk…..the OTHER one
As I went to feed the kids’ two behemouth goldfish Friday morning, I noticed that the one dubbed Captain Catfish was pressed strangely against the tank. I gave the tank a little shove and, like a scene straight out of an Alfred Hitchkock horror movie, (or an R-rated version of Nemo) both fish began violently bobbing in the water until finally coming…
1 in 100 (Or Something Like That)
There is a mommy-to-beout theresomewhererubbing her bellystocking up on antacidsbecause she’seating for two (and maybe, sometimes, when no one’s looking, for three) Shespends hoursresearching the best carseat/stroller systemsdaydreaming while doing the dishesabout walks in the parksletting strangers take sneak peaksat the most gorgeous baby ever to be born Her husbanddutifully goes to work each daysocking…
I’m Older Than I Look
The good news is that apparently, I won’t be bothered with a mid-life crisis. The bad news is is that it’s because I’m skipping mid-life and going straight to the Depends aisle and 10% Sizzler discount on Senior Saturdays. This morning I woke up a young, vibrant, happy-go-lucky 32.Then I went to the Optometrist; the thin, flawlessly-skinned-know-it-all-bitch Optometrist.She…