I am not paralyzed
by sadness anymore
as I roam the toy aisle
at Target
I want you to know
it gets better
(and then it gets a little worse, but then
it gets better again.
and that’s just before breakfast.
You get the idea).
on the eve of his 21st birthday
I am not buying my firstborn
a six pack
or promising
to pick him up
from a bar
with his bleary eyed friends
I am here
instead
in this toy aisle I know so well
my eyes scanning rows
of Lightning McQeens
and Maters
until I spot a flash of bright yellow
And yelp with joy
as I unearth
Andrew’s beloved
Cars character
Cruz Ramirez
will join the others
an impressive collection
of Disney Pixar’s finest
nestled among
Thomas and all his Friends
enough R2D2s
to make George Lucas jealous
and dot markers in all the colors
(trust me, all of them)
I am happy
standing here
in the toy aisle at Target
for the 21st year in a row
as I imagine his giant grin
lighting up his face
his hands
fluttering
towards space
unwrapping gifts
that are perfectly him
that I will buy
again
(and again)
and he doesn’t know
it’s his birthday tomorrow
and it’s ok
he doesn’t have to
I do
I know it enough
for the both of us
here in the toy aisle
at Target