I think I have to 12 step my best friend.
She’s got this rather strong “fondness” for Groupon and I think it’s starting to affect the lives of her loved ones.
Take yesterday for example. I called her at the end of the day to see how she was doing and I thought I heard the faint sound of her 7 year old whimpering.
“Is that Ferdinand?” (not his actual name)
“Oh yeah. He’s fine. He’s just a little tired.”
“Oh, he just had a busy day. Hold on, he wants to talk to you.”
“Hi Auntie Jo.”
“Hi buddy! How are you? Everything okay?”
“Um. Yep. I’m just super tired.” Lowers voice to a whisper. “Do you think I could come live with you?”
“Why, what’s going on at your house?”
“My mom won’t stop sending me to all of these places. Today I had to wake up at 6:00 a.m to go roller skating, then I had swimming lessons, then I played miniature golf, then I went bowling, then I had to take a class on running, then I ate at three restaurants, then I went to the movies, then I went to the bounce house place, then I went bowling again and now she’s making me go to some military training course where I’ll learn how to operate a semi-automatic weapon for half-price.”
Now, I love a good deal (what mom doesn’t?) but I recognize trouble when it’s printing coupons at the speed of light.
Looking back I can distinctly recall warning signs that indicated she was headed for discount trouble.
When planning girls night out she would often say things like” I feel like having 60 pounds of sushi for $9.99, don’t you?” and “Can’t you drive faster? This deal expires in 10 minutes!!!!!”
But I chose to ignore these signs because let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good clearance on sashimi?
At some point though, enough is enough, and I think an intervention is in order, though I’m not really sure how to go about it yet.
If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them.
But you have to hurry.
I just saw the latest Groupon deal and it involves 2 for 1 tickets to watch a wrestling match against baby seals and garden gnomes* while getting a haircut in a Barbie jeep and I have a feeling she’s going to invite me to come.
Of course, I just may, as long as we can get some 50% off sushi after.
*Personally I’m rooting for the garden gnomes. They don’t get nearly enough respect.