Okay boys and girls. Please take out your #2 pencil. No peeking at your neighbor’s work and remember, if you get an answer wrong, you’re obviously stupid.
In the last five days did Monchichi:
a. Open the car door and try to get out of the car while we were stopped at a red light on PCH because right in front of him was the big giant pacific ocean he loves so much and why the hell should he have to wait for us to find parking when clearly exiting a vehicle in the middle of an intersection is perfectly acceptable behavior?
b. Reach across the stove and grab the handle of the pot containing boiling spaghetti noodles because dammit, he’s hungry and nothing’s going to get in the way of his beloved buttered noodles, especially something as trivial as scorching 90% of his body surface.
c. Pick up and play with a dead chipmunk/squirrel-thingy while I was getting a broom to dispose of our cat’s latest conquest that made it into the house because I had left one of the screen doors open and I walked into the living room and saw him standing there holding a plastic truck in one hand and a dead animal carcass in the other and then I had to figure out a way to convince him to drop the $#%$-ing thing and I had to shake it out of his hand and it fell with a sickening thud and Monchichi looked up at me and said “YAY!” and I threw him (Monchichi, not Alvin) into the bathroom and scrubbed at least two layers of skin off and I don’t think I’ll ever recover but Monchichi seems fine, except for the fact that HE PLAYED WITH A DEAD CHIPMUNK-SQUIRREL-THINGY.
d. All of the above. Which indicates to me that the universe is trying to tell me something.
Mainly, “HA. Freakin HA.”