9:00 pm. “fssssssst” “fssssst” “fsssst” Husband spraying upper body with Solarcaine, after broiling his skin during a day of fishing. 9:15 pm.: In a whisper more akin to a horse than a human…”Mama….? Mama…….MAMA! I’m hungry!”9:20 p.m: “mnia mnia mnia” Superman smacking his mouth while chewing his banana. 11:00 p.m: “fsssssst.” “fssssssst” “fssssst.” Mean thoughts…
If Only it Were Possible: A Letter From the Future
Dearest Me: I am writing to you today, in the hopes that I can spare you some of the unnecessary grief and anguish you are about to endure during your tumultuous years as a teen and young adult. I can only wish that this type of hindsight were possible, a gift from the older version…
Overheard…..
8:07 a.m. Thursday morning: Superman reading a Clone Wars book out loud, ignoring the cartoon on the tv behind him. As his mom, I couldn’t be more proud. As his kindergarten teacher, I take full credit.
Everyone Needs A Wife
She dated my ex-boyfriend not long after we had broken up. I hated her guts for it. He bought me loads of clothes at Wet Seal. He took HER to Hawaii. Long over the awkward boy that made me weep, chop off my hair and dye it burgundy, I still felt a sense of ownership…
This Just In…….
I am not good at being sick. In fact, I stink at it. I don’t know how to lay down, or not do the dishes, or not fold the laundry, or not cook dinner, or not prepare the kiddos’ lunch boxes for the next day. I keep looking around my germ-ridden bedroom, wanting to vaccum,…
There Are Some Things Money Can’t Buy
A successful bowling birthday party is not one of them. Number of invitees: 25Number that attended: 17 Age of Birthday Boy: 7Number of Strikes: 12 *Number of Gutter Balls: 200* Pizza consumed (in boxes) 7 Pitchers of Lemonade: 3 Hours of Bowling: 1.5Number of times Mommy cried: 1 Pictures taken: 124Game Tokens Per Guest: 8…
Seven Years in the Making
I don’t remember the day of the week. I remember that I was starving, and your daddy promised me a giant veggie burrito from El Taco. I doubled over at the local gas station, and it never occurred to me that I might be going into labor. I had no idea what it would feel…