I am 17listening to an answering machine messageinforming me of the deathof a friend I sawonly three days beforehis golden curlssmeared with bloodon the 405his motorcycle crushed by a big rigthere was no pain they told his mother Days laterI am sitting in Econone amonga roomful of horny teenagersignoring a lecture on the importance of a…
Try Saying That Ten Times Fast
Apparently, I don’t have enough to write about(insert sarcastic eye roll here)because today I was officially diagnosed with a new, fun and exciting disorder that will make me the most in-demand guest at otherwise boring get-togethers: Partygoer: “Hey, look, it’s Jo! The Woman of Many Disorders! I bet she’ll have something interesting to add to…
Living in the Meantime
It started at a very young age. I recall never being fully satisfied with what I had; always looking towards the next thing, promising myself that life would be great as soon as I didn’t have to shop at Kmart for back-to-school clothesorI could get my bangs to curl exactly like perfectly perky Sue’sorthat dumbass boy…
Get Me Off This Roller Coaster!
It first happened in the summer of 2007, after a transatlantic flight to my beloved Poland. I had taken this flight many times in my late teens and early twenties, but this time there were some significant differences. 1. I wasn’t drunk and spending all of my vacation money on Tommy Girl perfume and cartons…
Leave a Message After the Beep
Saturday, January 30, 2010 12:00 p.m – Phone rings“Hello?’“Hi. Did you just call me?”“No, Mom”“Oh. Well it says I missed a call. It says unknown number.”“Mom, I’m not an unknown number.”“Okay, bye.” 12:05 p.m. – Phone rings“Hello?”“Hi. It’s me again. I will pick Superman up from Polish school.”“Thanks mom.”“Also, please go outside to breathe the…
Modify This
I am sitting across from a pretty little thing, hair pulled back behind her ears, a stack of papers in front of her, large solitaire diamond ring on her left hand. She is alternating between praising my “adorable” son (I can’t say I disagree) and going over proposed goals for the new year. I wait…