It started at a very young age.
I recall never being fully satisfied with what I had; always looking towards the next thing, promising myself that life would be great as soon as
I didn’t have to shop at Kmart for back-to-school clothes
I could get my bangs to curl exactly like perfectly perky Sue’s
that dumbass boy in algebra would write me dirty notes instead of that skank rebecca
I had a nicer car
the babies slept through the night
there was more money in our bank account
I finally lost those “few” extra pounds and could wear dresses again without having to use crisco to get them past my “strong” shoulders
they found a cure for autism
I finished my book
At 32 I can only begin to estimate just how much time I have wasted on waiting for something better to happen just so that I could really start living.
What a bunch of bullcrap.
Today I don’t weigh what I should, but I cooked dinner in pink and pearls, shiny gloss coating my lips, simple gestures required in order to build a solid foundation of self-love; because if I don’t, then who will?.
Today I didn’t get published, but I wrote what my heart dictated and felt both free and fulfilled, basking in something I love to do, knowing how lucky I am to be supported on my personal quest.
Today no one called me with the news that a cure has been found for what afflicts my firstborn, but I held his hand in church as he inappropriatley giggled and jumped, stimming like crazy when the choir sang, his eyes wild and his grin contagious, my heart bursting as I breathed in this moment, anything beyond it quickly becoming irrelevant.
I still want a new car, a big house, a book contract, single-digit pants, and of course, a cure for Autism.
But I’m done pressing the pause button on what is already such a full and blessed life; one that deserves my full attention and enthusiastic participation.
I’m choosing to dream my dreams
and steadfastly head towards my unmet goals.
But make no mistake
2 Replies to “Living in the Meantime”
This post really hits home for me. Thanks for the wake up call.
i love this. good for you.