You know those people that do things out of the goodness of their hearts?  The ones that do for others, just because, and never complain about it?

sooooooo not me.

With my parents galavanting halfway across the world in Singapore on some alleged “business” trip, I’ve been caring for my elderly grandmother (do I even have to put the word “elderly” in that sentence?  Isn’t it implied that she’s older than dirt since I’m in my thirties and she’s my grandmother? I mean, she’s not my hot co-ed grandmother, right?) whom I love so much.  Lately though, I’ve been fighting a strong urge to drop her off curbside at a local Denny’s just long enough so that I can hang out with people who don’t keep their teeth next to their bed in a yellow plastic container.*

I don’t mind bathing her (though she has a reputation for getting frisky with the showerhead).
I don’t mind cooking and cleaning and laundering for her.
I don’t mind the hugging and conversing with her.
I don’t even mind cleaning her commode (though in all honesty, I really freaking mind)

What I do mind is that I have to do it all for free.

As if the fact that she helped raise me, loved me unconditionally, and despite the odds, managed to survive my homicidal teen agnst “childish antics” automatically gives her a five-finger discount on round the clock care.

Honestly.  What’s the going rate for SUCKER nowadays?

In other news, I have a hole in one of my molars and just as I’ve gotten used to the throbbing sensation, a sort of blinding, searing pain has appeared, just to shake things up I imagine.

Which brings me to the photo below.  Because if she’s not going to pay me in cold hard cash, the least she can do is loan me her dentures when she’s not using them.  The only other alternative is that I’ll have to go to the dentist and there’s not a chance in hell that’s gonna happen.

Yep.  I prefer THIS to the dentist.

*My denture box will be green.

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