Growing up my sister and I were surrounded by family members that loved and adored
me us very much. One such particular family member, our mom, was so demanding of our time and attention full of love for us that often times we felt….really freaking annoyed.
“Girls, are you ever coming back? I miss you like crazy! I don’t know how much longer I can wait to hug you in my arms again. It’s just not the same without you!”
“Mom. We’re just on the other couch, we can see the tv better from here.”
“I know. And it hurts so bad!”
Psychologically, the dependency on us could have and probably did stem from many reasons, not least of which was a fierce and protective love for the fruits of her loins (I actually mean my sister and I. My mom didn’t have some weird fondness for mangos or grapes or anything, though I wouldn’t say that she had some strange aversion to them either. I think, for the record, she rather enjoyed most fruits, except for apples. Yep. Apples were not on the top of her “My Favorite Fruit of All Time” list).
But the truth was, that love was quickly turning into a ginormous pain in our little tushies (yes. there was a time that my tushy was in fact little). So much so, that going anywhere without her was becoming increasingly impossible.
“Where are you going honey?”
“For the love of God! Why?! You were just in there five hours ago! This is why I bought you those disposable underpants! And put you on that strict No Liquid diet! Is this your way of letting me know that you don’t want to be around me?”
“………(quietly peeing in my disposable underpants)………..”
What I’m trying to say is that other than her unhealthy need tobethisclosetousatalltimes, my sister and I had a rather fabulous childhood filled with fond memories of…………our mom.
Who was alwaysthisfreakinclosetous.
I vowed that when I became a mother someday, I would give my children all the personal space they needed, and stop the vicious cycle of holding your kids hostage.
What the hell did I know?
I hadn’t planned on how completely perfect and wonderful and delicious my own offspring would be. Why in the world would I every agree to something as stupid as giving them a life of their own when the only thing that makes sense is to suffocate the snot out of them each and every chance I get?
“You don’t really want to go to school, get smart, make friends, build healthy and lasting relationships, excel in sports and academics, eventually graduating from Yale and marrying that two- bit- whore you met in Econ class, who’s main goal in this life is to tear you away from me and keep you all to herself, so that you can help her raise those helions she tricked you into having with her just to spite me, do you? Not when you can stay here with mommy and watch
The Price is Right………………..right?”
But I’m doing better.
Why, just today, after hours of pleading and crying and kicking and screaming, I calmed down and dropped him off at school, gave him a kiss goodbye, then came home and had breakfast.
All by myself.
Just me and the cats.
And I’m fine.
It’s. All. Good.