Preferably Butt Ugly ones.

Because nothing rubs my ego the wrong way than when my girlfriends show up at an event looking just as hot (if not more so) than me.

I’m tired of the sexy haircuts, the updated makeup, the skinny jeans and pretty patterned tops.
I want some drawstring-pants-wearing-mullet-hair-sporting-gold-capped-teeth ladies in my life.

The kind of women who are destined to make me look good.

I want to go to Wednesday Night Bunco and not have my natural beauty overshadowed by everyone else’s good looks. 

I mean, I love my friends, but not enough to keep them around if they continue to refuse to fatten up and break out a little.

How selfish can people be?

So if you know of any below-average gals that I can befriend (could it be YOU?) , before the next Girls Night Out preferably, then email me a photo and measurements.

I can’t afford to let another pretty face into my life.

Plus, if you can grow chin hair, you’ll be bumped to Best Friend status.


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3 Replies to “I Need New Friends”

  1. Hahaha!!!
    I have a few billy goat hairs on my chin. I'll be your friend!
    And I can't even imagine squeezing into some skinny jeans right now. 🙂

  2. Ummm HELLO! Have you SEEN ME lately? I've got hairs coming out of my chin, belly and boobs. Oh and I'm as big as your house. 😉 I'll be your friend. hehe!

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